I am a self-proclaimed control freak... And a worrier... Never a good combo! haha. With that being said, I am a pretty undecisive, go with the flow type of person- until it comes to my life. I so badly have the desire to control what happens to me, when it happens, how it happens, and all those lovely details. However, I have come to the realization that that is just not possible. We are human with no capability of time travel or seeing into the future, therefore how can we control what happens in a world that is so much bigger than ourselves?! WE CAN'T! Nor were we created to....
So often we focus on the things in life that we do not have or have yet to do or receive, and all that that does is bring you down. For me, I often allow the uncertainty of the future and all of the details that go with it to flood my mind. Where will I be in 5 years? When will I know who I will marry? Will I be able to have children? What is God's plan for my life? Wait a second, wait a second, REWIND! What is GOD'S plan for my life? BINGO! My life is not my own. I am not meant to know all the secrets and answers because I am not the author of this story! GOD IS! I get so caught up on me, me, me, that I forget that my life is not my own and I am called to a greater purpose with bigger plans than I could have for myself. I am not meant to know what the plans for the future are... I am meant to TRUST IN THE LORD. Jeremiah 29:11 promises: "'For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" THIS.VERSE.IS.MY.LIFE.LINE! Everything- both seen and unseen, known and unknown, good or bad- ultimately works together for the good!
Part of the beauty in life is the spontaneity of it all. That at any given moment, someone new can pop into your life and change it forever. New opportunies and blessing arise with every morning, we just have to be open to them. So often we get focused on one thing (usually negative) and let that dwell or define us, but those negative nancies are just a bump along the journey! They are so minuscule compared to the joy that is possible out of this life. Yes, the world may seem bigger than we are- our problems, our fears, our feelings of distress or inadequacy- but there is something so much bigger than this world that trumps ALL! And that is God... 2 Corinthians 4: 4-9 says, " But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed, perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed." How awesome is that!
The plans God has prepared ahead of us far surpass the plans we could ever create for ourselves with such bigger blessings as the outcome. What it requires of us is to be patient and trusting in the Lord who already holds us and tomorrow in His hands.... Such a comforting thought!! God is so much BIGGER than this world, and His plans are so MUCH bigger than our fear. Thankful for the BIGGER aspects of this life :)
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
The Ugly Cry
The Ugly Cry.... Every girl, and even guys, knows exactly what it is and what it looks like. It tends to look a little something like this:
Now, being the self proclaim queen of crying, I KNOW my ugly cry face look probably a million times worse than poor Dawson's up there- but sometimes you just can't help it. I have had those ugly cry moments more frequently than I would like to admit over the past week ranging from fear, to heartche, to empathy/sympathy, to happiness, to laughter, or to just plan frustration. It has become a joke among friends and those who know me that I am the "emotional" one, and the one that cries all the time. There is no point in denying it because it is true. From a very young age, I have always been tender hearted, and deeply felt emotions. It hurts me to see others hurt, and I love to celebrate happiness and joy that others are experiencing. It is a blessing at times, but so often i see it as a curse.... Why you may ask? One word: vulnerability.
But having this very intouch relationship with my emotions, leaves me very vulnerable and with very overactive tearducts. This being said, I am very susceptible to being hurt and the.... ugly cry. Yesterday was one of those days. It was the first day back from vacation into reality and reality bit back! People at work were less than friendly and the drama llama was still taking up its resisdence in my office... The anniversary of a tragedy looming in the days ahead... The ever constant comparrison game... And the ever present feeling of heartbreak. Nothing in specific, but the cluster of it all is a recipe for one nasty ugly cryfest. It's easy to tell yourself you are being stupid and to get over it, but the actual act of getting over it is a whole other story. So by the end of my day- I was the definition of a hot mess... I didn't know what to say or do, so I did what I did best... I cried. The full on ugly cry. Sometimes it is the best therapy you need...
So often we try to put up a front that we have everything together and nothing is ever wrong, but in all actuality there is no way to have it all together because there is NO way to be perfect. A friend had told me that I didn't have to have it to try and have it all together because my joy was not shining through when I am allowing myself to be burdened with bottled up emotions, and that they were praying for me to breakdown the walls I was building. They said that it hurt them that my joy was not shinging through, and that my true beauty was radiant when my joy was shining. My first thought was well this is weird... Then my next thought was how rude! Why would you want me to breakdown?! My next thought was how do you even know?? After I got over my questions and began to pray, I realized that with the breakdown of the walls we build or emotions we bottle up, we allow healing.... And with that healing comes true joy that cannot come from anything or anyone but the grace of God. I then in turned cried some more because of how well that friend knew my needs and my heart, and without me even saying anything already knew what to pray for. God is so good with who He places in our lives... Just saying. I told you I was emotional!
But when the urge to cry came about yesterday, I allowed it because only true healing and comfort comes from complete surrender of brokeness I have learned.... People are never fully going to be able to understand what you are going through, and sometimes people honestly are only concerned when its convenient for them. However, we have a God that is there with us, and promises us comfort and rest. In Matthew 11, verse 28, Jesus says " Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." What a sweet sweet promise. And what true advice rings clear in Proverbs, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength."
So I choose healing over brokeness, tears over seclusion, and joy over sorrow. I will embrace the ugly cry and all the emotions that come with it so that I may seek true joy from the healing it brings :)
Now, being the self proclaim queen of crying, I KNOW my ugly cry face look probably a million times worse than poor Dawson's up there- but sometimes you just can't help it. I have had those ugly cry moments more frequently than I would like to admit over the past week ranging from fear, to heartche, to empathy/sympathy, to happiness, to laughter, or to just plan frustration. It has become a joke among friends and those who know me that I am the "emotional" one, and the one that cries all the time. There is no point in denying it because it is true. From a very young age, I have always been tender hearted, and deeply felt emotions. It hurts me to see others hurt, and I love to celebrate happiness and joy that others are experiencing. It is a blessing at times, but so often i see it as a curse.... Why you may ask? One word: vulnerability.
But having this very intouch relationship with my emotions, leaves me very vulnerable and with very overactive tearducts. This being said, I am very susceptible to being hurt and the.... ugly cry. Yesterday was one of those days. It was the first day back from vacation into reality and reality bit back! People at work were less than friendly and the drama llama was still taking up its resisdence in my office... The anniversary of a tragedy looming in the days ahead... The ever constant comparrison game... And the ever present feeling of heartbreak. Nothing in specific, but the cluster of it all is a recipe for one nasty ugly cryfest. It's easy to tell yourself you are being stupid and to get over it, but the actual act of getting over it is a whole other story. So by the end of my day- I was the definition of a hot mess... I didn't know what to say or do, so I did what I did best... I cried. The full on ugly cry. Sometimes it is the best therapy you need...
So often we try to put up a front that we have everything together and nothing is ever wrong, but in all actuality there is no way to have it all together because there is NO way to be perfect. A friend had told me that I didn't have to have it to try and have it all together because my joy was not shining through when I am allowing myself to be burdened with bottled up emotions, and that they were praying for me to breakdown the walls I was building. They said that it hurt them that my joy was not shinging through, and that my true beauty was radiant when my joy was shining. My first thought was well this is weird... Then my next thought was how rude! Why would you want me to breakdown?! My next thought was how do you even know?? After I got over my questions and began to pray, I realized that with the breakdown of the walls we build or emotions we bottle up, we allow healing.... And with that healing comes true joy that cannot come from anything or anyone but the grace of God. I then in turned cried some more because of how well that friend knew my needs and my heart, and without me even saying anything already knew what to pray for. God is so good with who He places in our lives... Just saying. I told you I was emotional!
But when the urge to cry came about yesterday, I allowed it because only true healing and comfort comes from complete surrender of brokeness I have learned.... People are never fully going to be able to understand what you are going through, and sometimes people honestly are only concerned when its convenient for them. However, we have a God that is there with us, and promises us comfort and rest. In Matthew 11, verse 28, Jesus says " Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." What a sweet sweet promise. And what true advice rings clear in Proverbs, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength."
So I choose healing over brokeness, tears over seclusion, and joy over sorrow. I will embrace the ugly cry and all the emotions that come with it so that I may seek true joy from the healing it brings :)
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Loss and Gain
For being 25, I feel like I have faced A LOT of loss in my life.... Whether it be the loss of friends, relationships with family members, love and crushes, my mother, and most recently my father. Although my father isn't really gone gone, being so far away in Alabama is a Pretty big loss. I have had him my entire life, even if it was just a short drive away. And now it's just not that simple. Why God?
Sometimes I find myself questioning God as to why things happen, or more specifically, why things are happening to me. As I I'm the only person who has ever been through that situation. How self-centered am I, right? It always winds up coming to the surface that I am not the only one who is going through a tough time.... These times of realization lead my thoughts back to people like Ruth and Job. Ruth lost her husband, but instead of running and panicking like a chicken with her head cut off- marrying to help ensure prosperity for herself she remains true to Naomi and stays by her side... Job- he lost absolutely EVERYTHING! His family, his wealth, his means of living, and even his health- yet he still did not give in. Were either of those people perfect? Abdutely not. But they were devoted and persevered. I think- look at what they struggled through- and they made it through. They were blessed. And God never left them nor neglected them... Why do I ever think God would do that to me?
Yes I have faced loss- who hasn't to some degree? But God has always provided... And I have gained so much through His provision.
Most recently I have realized that God has provided me with such a blessing in the form of friendship and an amazing support system. God has used people in my life- both new and old- to speak words or affirmation and encouragement to me when I have need them most. I have friends that at the moment of a text are willing to pray for me in times of need and struggle. I have friends who are the most fun to be around and bring such joy and laughter into my life. I have a wonder group of friends that I get to meet with and grow together in Christ that have helped me more than they could ever know. I have several coworkers who build me up when it seems like I have failed or those odds are against me. I have people and mentors in who encourage me as I seek out and follow the call Christ has place on my life. I have groups of people who have stepped up to be the extra family I grew up without and who have help to shape me into who I am today. I have a family spread out over distances that love me and care for me even though we are separated and don't see each other or talk often enough. I have kids and teenagers who look up to me for guidance-encouragement- and more that show me I can make a difference. And I have a God who loves me inspite of myself an my failures. I have a God who mercilously and graciously forgives me when I so often fall short of His glory. And I have a God who declares I'm His masterpiece and He has my life planned out for me according to His will for my good and benefit.
Yes I have lost a lot, and at times it's easier to remember what is lost. But what I have gained is so much more meaningful and precious than words can describe. I'm truely blessed! 💗
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Sometimes I find myself questioning God as to why things happen, or more specifically, why things are happening to me. As I I'm the only person who has ever been through that situation. How self-centered am I, right? It always winds up coming to the surface that I am not the only one who is going through a tough time.... These times of realization lead my thoughts back to people like Ruth and Job. Ruth lost her husband, but instead of running and panicking like a chicken with her head cut off- marrying to help ensure prosperity for herself she remains true to Naomi and stays by her side... Job- he lost absolutely EVERYTHING! His family, his wealth, his means of living, and even his health- yet he still did not give in. Were either of those people perfect? Abdutely not. But they were devoted and persevered. I think- look at what they struggled through- and they made it through. They were blessed. And God never left them nor neglected them... Why do I ever think God would do that to me?
Yes I have faced loss- who hasn't to some degree? But God has always provided... And I have gained so much through His provision.
Most recently I have realized that God has provided me with such a blessing in the form of friendship and an amazing support system. God has used people in my life- both new and old- to speak words or affirmation and encouragement to me when I have need them most. I have friends that at the moment of a text are willing to pray for me in times of need and struggle. I have friends who are the most fun to be around and bring such joy and laughter into my life. I have a wonder group of friends that I get to meet with and grow together in Christ that have helped me more than they could ever know. I have several coworkers who build me up when it seems like I have failed or those odds are against me. I have people and mentors in who encourage me as I seek out and follow the call Christ has place on my life. I have groups of people who have stepped up to be the extra family I grew up without and who have help to shape me into who I am today. I have a family spread out over distances that love me and care for me even though we are separated and don't see each other or talk often enough. I have kids and teenagers who look up to me for guidance-encouragement- and more that show me I can make a difference. And I have a God who loves me inspite of myself an my failures. I have a God who mercilously and graciously forgives me when I so often fall short of His glory. And I have a God who declares I'm His masterpiece and He has my life planned out for me according to His will for my good and benefit.
Yes I have lost a lot, and at times it's easier to remember what is lost. But what I have gained is so much more meaningful and precious than words can describe. I'm truely blessed! 💗
"And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28
Monday, May 5, 2014
The Struggle of Inadequacy and Contentment
It has been a while since I have actually sat down and blogged. Yet again, I have the best intentions when I start off blogging, but then is tends to fall to the wayside. Lot's of things have happened lately but most recently has been the struggle of contentment with the season I am in....
This past weekend was probably one of the better weekends I have had in a while (THANK YOU JESUS), and was very much long overdue with work and other life stresses. I got to spend some much needed quality time with a lot of my friends which is rare to fit almost all of them into one jam packed weekend of fun but it happened! Got to go to a movie with my good friend Lindsey on Friday, spent a good bit of the day time Saturday being lazy/reading/hanging out with my day, got to spend the evening with some wonderful friends from my lifegroup cooking/eating/and watching Enchanted (always to presh), and Sunday was just a fun day seeing God move through Springdale Baptist. So many children's lives being changed for the better, and even witnessed 1 Timothy 4:12 in action! A young girl was saved during the Wednesday night service- went home and lived life with a new purpose- and the following Sunday her mother saw the change in her daughter and decided to make the decision to live a life following Christ. That fantastic morning was only followed up by a lovely afternoon in the sun with a good friend and a good book. I was on cloud 9! It was only later that night that I started to be drug back down to reality.
It never seems to fail that when you are you are having such an uplifting weekend, that the King of Lies and Thieves is only waiting in the shadows to try and make a move to steal your joy. And boy did I give in..... It was later that night after all the fun had been had that I was really left alone to think. For those who don't know me well- often when I am left alone too long with my thoughts- things can get a little hairy. haha. This particular time came from my thoughts on inadequacy and comparison.....
I began thinking about a dear dear friend of mine. This particular friend has been the source of a lot of trying times in regards to patience. You see, this person came out of now where, and he took a little piece of my heart (unwillingly and unknowingly to me). I had no intention what so ever of giving him any attention much less a part of my heart. But God has a funny way of working that way- coming out of left field leaving you standing there dumbfounded. But anyways, back to the story. As time has passed by, I have become more and more attached to said boy all the while realizing that the chances of anything happening dwindling away... I began to wonder why God would allow me to have a complete bipolar change in heart, to develop such feelings, yet keep them at a distance (like dangling a carrot in front of a horse). Now this particular boy was nothing I ever expected to fall for- like ever- but here I was about to face plant with now pillows for cushion. Now at this time (and I think a lot of people can relate) I became completely vulnerable and weak. I began questioning why I do not deserve happiness or a good guy. Now I am not known for making the best choices when it comes to guys. I tend to gravitate unfortunately toward jerks- not knowing they are jerks at the time of course.... I began to feel an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Thoughts began to arise telling my I am not good enough to deserve a Godly man, I'm not pretty enough to attract a decent guy, I'm not this, I'm not that, I'M NOT ENOUGH! Those feelings and thoughts kept echoing throughout my mind... Now this is something that I struggle with a lot because one of my hearts greatest desires is to be married. Not only do I know this, but God knows this- as well as the enemy.... You see, the enemy knows exactly where and when to hit us when we are down. He knows our hurts, our struggles, and our vulnerabilities. While ready Steven Furtick's book CRASH THE CHATTERBOX, one of the things that has stuck with me the most and really had a lot of meaning to me in this struggle says "Because the voice you believe will determine the future you experience." WOW...... That stings a little bit.
This past weekend was probably one of the better weekends I have had in a while (THANK YOU JESUS), and was very much long overdue with work and other life stresses. I got to spend some much needed quality time with a lot of my friends which is rare to fit almost all of them into one jam packed weekend of fun but it happened! Got to go to a movie with my good friend Lindsey on Friday, spent a good bit of the day time Saturday being lazy/reading/hanging out with my day, got to spend the evening with some wonderful friends from my lifegroup cooking/eating/and watching Enchanted (always to presh), and Sunday was just a fun day seeing God move through Springdale Baptist. So many children's lives being changed for the better, and even witnessed 1 Timothy 4:12 in action! A young girl was saved during the Wednesday night service- went home and lived life with a new purpose- and the following Sunday her mother saw the change in her daughter and decided to make the decision to live a life following Christ. That fantastic morning was only followed up by a lovely afternoon in the sun with a good friend and a good book. I was on cloud 9! It was only later that night that I started to be drug back down to reality.
It never seems to fail that when you are you are having such an uplifting weekend, that the King of Lies and Thieves is only waiting in the shadows to try and make a move to steal your joy. And boy did I give in..... It was later that night after all the fun had been had that I was really left alone to think. For those who don't know me well- often when I am left alone too long with my thoughts- things can get a little hairy. haha. This particular time came from my thoughts on inadequacy and comparison.....
I began thinking about a dear dear friend of mine. This particular friend has been the source of a lot of trying times in regards to patience. You see, this person came out of now where, and he took a little piece of my heart (unwillingly and unknowingly to me). I had no intention what so ever of giving him any attention much less a part of my heart. But God has a funny way of working that way- coming out of left field leaving you standing there dumbfounded. But anyways, back to the story. As time has passed by, I have become more and more attached to said boy all the while realizing that the chances of anything happening dwindling away... I began to wonder why God would allow me to have a complete bipolar change in heart, to develop such feelings, yet keep them at a distance (like dangling a carrot in front of a horse). Now this particular boy was nothing I ever expected to fall for- like ever- but here I was about to face plant with now pillows for cushion. Now at this time (and I think a lot of people can relate) I became completely vulnerable and weak. I began questioning why I do not deserve happiness or a good guy. Now I am not known for making the best choices when it comes to guys. I tend to gravitate unfortunately toward jerks- not knowing they are jerks at the time of course.... I began to feel an overwhelming sense of inadequacy. Thoughts began to arise telling my I am not good enough to deserve a Godly man, I'm not pretty enough to attract a decent guy, I'm not this, I'm not that, I'M NOT ENOUGH! Those feelings and thoughts kept echoing throughout my mind... Now this is something that I struggle with a lot because one of my hearts greatest desires is to be married. Not only do I know this, but God knows this- as well as the enemy.... You see, the enemy knows exactly where and when to hit us when we are down. He knows our hurts, our struggles, and our vulnerabilities. While ready Steven Furtick's book CRASH THE CHATTERBOX, one of the things that has stuck with me the most and really had a lot of meaning to me in this struggle says "Because the voice you believe will determine the future you experience." WOW...... That stings a little bit.
When I am having all of those negative thoughts about myself, all these feelings of inadequacy, whose voice am I truly listening to?? I KNOW God would never say, nor has He ever said to be "Tiffany, you are not enough." NOT ONCE! In fact God says His grace is enough for us. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says "Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness."..." Not only does God say His grace is enough, but that His power works best in our weakness! The bible says that each one of us is fearfully and wonderfully made, we are created for God's purpose! What a wonderful, reassuring promise.... If I would have heard one of my friends, or one of my girls in the youth say that they are not enough- I would give them the what for! If I would not allow them to talk that way about themselves, why in the world would I allow myself to talk that way about me? I was allowing the enemy to get in head and manipulate my thoughts.... After all that is what he is best at.... God should be what defines our life! Not our feelings of inadequacy, our position in life, or where we stand on our on crazy timelines.
This past week in small group, we learned about Eve and the struggle with contentment. Eve was not content with what God had provided her so she sought fulfillment elsewhere... I don't know about you, but I feel like feelings of inadequacy and the search for contentment tend to go hand in hand. Often when feelings of inadequacy arise, you begin searching for ways to fill that void- a way to be content. It is a vicious cycle that can become never ending, unless you truly find contentment in Christ. I LOVE the passage in John 4 where Jesus is speaking to the woman at the well. This passage so rings true with the struggle with contentment.... In verses 13 and 14 is says "Jesus said, “Everyone who drinks from this water will get thirsty again. But whoever drinks from the water that I will give him will never get thirsty again—ever! In fact, the water I will give him will become a well[a] of water springing up within him for eternal life.” It is so true.... When we search for fulfillment, happiness, adequacy, love, acceptance, (fill in the blank)- we will always be on a persistent search for something to fill that desire or need. It is only when we truly seek God for that fulfillment that we will truly have or thirst quenched, that our imperfections and inadequacies will fade away, and the pure and utter joy and happiness that can only come from Christ will consume and change us. I love the longing for this fulfillment seen in the woman at the well. She tells Jesus i verse 15, "“Sir,” the woman said to Him, “give me this water so I won’t get thirsty and come here to draw water.”" She was so thirsty for something to quench her needs, and just relinquished it to Christ. All of those feelings of inadequacy and my struggle with being content with the season I am in in life left me completely thirsty... It was through encouraging words from friends that helped me realize that. I took a step back and realized that God has got this under control, according to His will, with my best interest at heart. My favorite bible verse, Jeremiah 29:11, says it all: "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." God knows that desires of my heart, more than I know myself.... I have all the faith in the world that God has an awesome plan for my life, including a Godly man that will sweep me off my feet and make me look back and wonder why I ever doubt God in anyway shape or form.
My desire is to be like the woman at the well- finding my happiness and contentment in Jesus and His plan for my life- and leaving all of those feelings of inadequacy with the loser who tried to plant them in my mind and steal my joy. Not today sir, not today...
Sunday, January 5, 2014
The Dreaded 25
I have not even looked at this blog since 2011- but for some reason God has placed it on my heart that I need an outlet- to be somewhat transparent. If I can't do it vocally, why not through text :)
My whole life- I have dreaded turning 25... I have no clue why 25, but that has been the number looming over my head like a dark cloud. I find myself often comparing my 25 years to the 25 years of others. This is often complicated by the fact that I am a girl who over thinks and tries to plan every little aspect of my life. Through this complications- I created timelines in my head of when and how my life was going to pan out. I know that I'm not the only one who does this- I have had this conversation with so many of friends who have done the exact same thing- most of which are girls. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? We tell our friends they are silly to have such things, yet we have our own? We set timeline of what we are going to do with our lives and when. We will go to this college, major in this subject, meet "the one", get that fairy tale proposal only seen in moves, graduate- with honors of course, have the wedding that would make a Disney Princess jealous, have the cookie cutter house with precious little kids chasing the dog, and live happily ever after. I don't know about you, but that was just the self inflicted timeline I had placed on myself. No pressure, right? So what happens when the life you have planned in your head, isn't going so well? Doesn't it know that we are on a time crunch here?! Timelines sometimes become your worst enemy. There's where the dreaded 25 comes into play.... By this age, a lot of my friends are a lot further along in their timeline than I am in mine- every time you get on Facebook some one has gotten their dream job, become engaged, gotten married, is expecting little bundles of joy or adding to their existing brood. It doesn't help that not only are you comparing your lives to others, but outsiders are as well. While on my Christmas vacation to Alabama, one of the first things my grandpa asked me was "Are you married?" proceeded by "Do you have kids" to which my response was well no. Wrong answer according to PawPaw! His response is "Well why not! You are getting too old." And this is when the timeline attacks- you start comparing your life to the lives of others. Why haven't I moved further on the timeline that I created? Like PawPaw said, I am running out of time! These are the lies that we feed ourselves everyday- the reason why age markers like 25 become this dark cloud hanging over our heads.
The truth of the matter is our lives our not our own to create a timeline with! We can create a timeline all we want, but it doesn't mean that that is what is best for our lives. The only timeline that matters- is the timeline God has already created for you-according to His purpose. See, He holds the key to our future and only He knows how its all going to pan out. And we have to be willing to go along with that, because when we do, the blessings that will come from it will be far greater than anything we would have planned for ourselves. Jeremiah 29:11 (one of my all time favorite verses) says"For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." What an awesome promise!
When I look back on the past 24 years, sure there are things that are missing. No I haven't achieved my "dream job", I haven't found "the one", I don't have precious little ones chasing a dog. Earlier this week I really started focusing on the lacks going toward my 25th year. But has the week progressed, I started getting an overwhelming sense of calmness. I said to myself "Self- yes you are turning 25, so what?? Does that mean that your life is over? No. Does that mean that you cannot have those things you lack after this point? No. Does that mean that God has been unfaithful to you and that all those years have been meaningless?" Absolutely not!! I have been blessed beyond measure- even though it doesn't always seem that way. I have a job where I get to help people through some of the best and worst moments of theirs lives and see God's hand in all of it. I have some of the best friends that anyone could ask for. Both new and old. They have been their through all the laughs, embarrassment, hurt, and yes- even the ugly cry. They have encouraged me, become family to me, and have made these 24 years so much easier. I have a family who loves me, even though I don't get to see all of the very often. And, although I don't have any biological children, I have the privilege to teach at least 20 little munchkins every Sunday about how good our God is in Children's Church and I get to hang out and share the love of Christ with some of the best teenagers around every Sunday and Wednesday. They bring more joy to my life than I can even express. I would say that is far from anything to hang my head about! Sadly, "the one" still hasn't shown his face yet, in which God is showing me that patience is a virtue- not a option. Let me tell you, that one is a tough one. If you know me, you know I am a questioning control-freak who is trying very hard to be patient.... Very, very hard!
But as I approach this 25th year, I am choosing to view at as an extension of my adventure, another year to see what God has planned that was even bigger and better than what I had planned! I am choosing to let 25 not be this dark cloud hanging over my head, but as a milestone in my walk with Christ. So instead of freaking out about what has not happened yet, I will rejoice in what has happened and what is going to come in years to come :)
As Abraham Lincoln once put it: "And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years."
My whole life- I have dreaded turning 25... I have no clue why 25, but that has been the number looming over my head like a dark cloud. I find myself often comparing my 25 years to the 25 years of others. This is often complicated by the fact that I am a girl who over thinks and tries to plan every little aspect of my life. Through this complications- I created timelines in my head of when and how my life was going to pan out. I know that I'm not the only one who does this- I have had this conversation with so many of friends who have done the exact same thing- most of which are girls. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? We tell our friends they are silly to have such things, yet we have our own? We set timeline of what we are going to do with our lives and when. We will go to this college, major in this subject, meet "the one", get that fairy tale proposal only seen in moves, graduate- with honors of course, have the wedding that would make a Disney Princess jealous, have the cookie cutter house with precious little kids chasing the dog, and live happily ever after. I don't know about you, but that was just the self inflicted timeline I had placed on myself. No pressure, right? So what happens when the life you have planned in your head, isn't going so well? Doesn't it know that we are on a time crunch here?! Timelines sometimes become your worst enemy. There's where the dreaded 25 comes into play.... By this age, a lot of my friends are a lot further along in their timeline than I am in mine- every time you get on Facebook some one has gotten their dream job, become engaged, gotten married, is expecting little bundles of joy or adding to their existing brood. It doesn't help that not only are you comparing your lives to others, but outsiders are as well. While on my Christmas vacation to Alabama, one of the first things my grandpa asked me was "Are you married?" proceeded by "Do you have kids" to which my response was well no. Wrong answer according to PawPaw! His response is "Well why not! You are getting too old." And this is when the timeline attacks- you start comparing your life to the lives of others. Why haven't I moved further on the timeline that I created? Like PawPaw said, I am running out of time! These are the lies that we feed ourselves everyday- the reason why age markers like 25 become this dark cloud hanging over our heads.
The truth of the matter is our lives our not our own to create a timeline with! We can create a timeline all we want, but it doesn't mean that that is what is best for our lives. The only timeline that matters- is the timeline God has already created for you-according to His purpose. See, He holds the key to our future and only He knows how its all going to pan out. And we have to be willing to go along with that, because when we do, the blessings that will come from it will be far greater than anything we would have planned for ourselves. Jeremiah 29:11 (one of my all time favorite verses) says"For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." What an awesome promise!
When I look back on the past 24 years, sure there are things that are missing. No I haven't achieved my "dream job", I haven't found "the one", I don't have precious little ones chasing a dog. Earlier this week I really started focusing on the lacks going toward my 25th year. But has the week progressed, I started getting an overwhelming sense of calmness. I said to myself "Self- yes you are turning 25, so what?? Does that mean that your life is over? No. Does that mean that you cannot have those things you lack after this point? No. Does that mean that God has been unfaithful to you and that all those years have been meaningless?" Absolutely not!! I have been blessed beyond measure- even though it doesn't always seem that way. I have a job where I get to help people through some of the best and worst moments of theirs lives and see God's hand in all of it. I have some of the best friends that anyone could ask for. Both new and old. They have been their through all the laughs, embarrassment, hurt, and yes- even the ugly cry. They have encouraged me, become family to me, and have made these 24 years so much easier. I have a family who loves me, even though I don't get to see all of the very often. And, although I don't have any biological children, I have the privilege to teach at least 20 little munchkins every Sunday about how good our God is in Children's Church and I get to hang out and share the love of Christ with some of the best teenagers around every Sunday and Wednesday. They bring more joy to my life than I can even express. I would say that is far from anything to hang my head about! Sadly, "the one" still hasn't shown his face yet, in which God is showing me that patience is a virtue- not a option. Let me tell you, that one is a tough one. If you know me, you know I am a questioning control-freak who is trying very hard to be patient.... Very, very hard!
But as I approach this 25th year, I am choosing to view at as an extension of my adventure, another year to see what God has planned that was even bigger and better than what I had planned! I am choosing to let 25 not be this dark cloud hanging over my head, but as a milestone in my walk with Christ. So instead of freaking out about what has not happened yet, I will rejoice in what has happened and what is going to come in years to come :)
As Abraham Lincoln once put it: "And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years."
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