The Ugly Cry

The Ugly Cry.... Every girl, and even guys, knows exactly what it is and what it looks like. It tends to look a little something like this:



Now, being the self proclaim queen of crying, I KNOW my ugly cry face look probably a million times worse than poor Dawson's up there- but sometimes you just can't help it. I have had those ugly cry moments more frequently than I would like to admit over the past week ranging from fear, to heartche, to empathy/sympathy, to happiness, to laughter, or to just plan frustration. It has become a joke among friends and those who know me that I am the "emotional" one, and the one that cries all the time. There is no point in denying it because it is true. From a very young age, I have always been tender hearted, and deeply felt emotions. It hurts me to see others hurt, and I love to celebrate happiness and joy that others are experiencing. It is a blessing at times, but so often i see it as a curse.... Why you may ask? One word: vulnerability.

But having this very intouch relationship with my emotions, leaves me very vulnerable and with very overactive tearducts. This being said, I am very susceptible to being hurt and the.... ugly cry. Yesterday was one of those days. It was the first day back from vacation into reality and reality bit back! People at work were less than friendly and the drama llama was still taking up its resisdence in my office... The anniversary of a tragedy looming in the days ahead... The ever constant comparrison game... And the ever present feeling of heartbreak. Nothing in specific, but the cluster of it all is a recipe for one nasty ugly cryfest. It's easy to tell yourself you are being stupid and to get over it, but the actual act of getting over it is a whole other story. So by the end of my day- I was the definition of a hot mess... I didn't know what to say or do, so I did what I did best... I cried. The full on ugly cry. Sometimes it is the best therapy you need...

So often we try to put up a front that we have everything together and nothing is ever wrong, but in all actuality there is no way to have it all together because there is NO way to be perfect. A friend had told me that I didn't have to have it to try and have it all together because my joy was not shining through when I am allowing myself to be burdened with bottled up emotions, and that they were praying for me to breakdown the walls I was building. They said that it hurt them that my joy was not shinging through, and that my true beauty was radiant when my joy was shining. My first thought was well this is weird... Then my next thought was how rude! Why would you want me to breakdown?! My next thought was how do you even know?? After I got over my questions and began to pray, I realized that with the breakdown of the walls we build or emotions we bottle up, we allow healing.... And with that healing comes true joy that cannot come from anything or anyone but the grace of God. I then in turned cried some more because of how well that friend knew my needs and my heart, and without me even saying anything already knew what to pray for. God is so good with who He places in our lives... Just saying. I told you I was emotional!  

But when the urge to cry came about yesterday, I allowed it because only true healing and comfort comes from complete surrender of brokeness I have learned.... People are never fully going to be able to understand what you are going through, and sometimes people honestly are only concerned when its convenient for them. However, we have a God that is there with us, and promises us comfort and rest. In Matthew 11, verse 28, Jesus says " Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." What a sweet sweet promise. And what true advice rings clear in Proverbs, "A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person's strength."

So I choose healing over brokeness, tears over seclusion, and joy over sorrow. I will embrace the ugly cry and all the emotions that come with it so that I may seek true joy from the healing it brings :)