I have not even looked at this blog since 2011- but for some reason God has placed it on my heart that I need an outlet- to be somewhat transparent. If I can't do it vocally, why not through text :)
My whole life- I have dreaded turning 25... I have no clue why 25, but that has been the number looming over my head like a dark cloud. I find myself often comparing my 25 years to the 25 years of others. This is often complicated by the fact that I am a girl who over thinks and tries to plan every little aspect of my life. Through this complications- I created timelines in my head of when and how my life was going to pan out. I know that I'm not the only one who does this- I have had this conversation with so many of friends who have done the exact same thing- most of which are girls. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves? We tell our friends they are silly to have such things, yet we have our own? We set timeline of what we are going to do with our lives and when. We will go to this college, major in this subject, meet "the one", get that fairy tale proposal only seen in moves, graduate- with honors of course, have the wedding that would make a Disney Princess jealous, have the cookie cutter house with precious little kids chasing the dog, and live happily ever after. I don't know about you, but that was just the self inflicted timeline I had placed on myself. No pressure, right? So what happens when the life you have planned in your head, isn't going so well? Doesn't it know that we are on a time crunch here?! Timelines sometimes become your worst enemy. There's where the dreaded 25 comes into play.... By this age, a lot of my friends are a lot further along in their timeline than I am in mine- every time you get on Facebook some one has gotten their dream job, become engaged, gotten married, is expecting little bundles of joy or adding to their existing brood. It doesn't help that not only are you comparing your lives to others, but outsiders are as well. While on my Christmas vacation to Alabama, one of the first things my grandpa asked me was "Are you married?" proceeded by "Do you have kids" to which my response was well no. Wrong answer according to PawPaw! His response is "Well why not! You are getting too old." And this is when the timeline attacks- you start comparing your life to the lives of others. Why haven't I moved further on the timeline that I created? Like PawPaw said, I am running out of time! These are the lies that we feed ourselves everyday- the reason why age markers like 25 become this dark cloud hanging over our heads.
The truth of the matter is our lives our not our own to create a timeline with! We can create a timeline all we want, but it doesn't mean that that is what is best for our lives. The only timeline that matters- is the timeline God has already created for you-according to His purpose. See, He holds the key to our future and only He knows how its all going to pan out. And we have to be willing to go along with that, because when we do, the blessings that will come from it will be far greater than anything we would have planned for ourselves. Jeremiah 29:11 (one of my all time favorite verses) says"For I know the plans I have for you”—this is the Lord’s declaration—“plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." What an awesome promise!
When I look back on the past 24 years, sure there are things that are missing. No I haven't achieved my "dream job", I haven't found "the one", I don't have precious little ones chasing a dog. Earlier this week I really started focusing on the lacks going toward my 25th year. But has the week progressed, I started getting an overwhelming sense of calmness. I said to myself "Self- yes you are turning 25, so what?? Does that mean that your life is over? No. Does that mean that you cannot have those things you lack after this point? No. Does that mean that God has been unfaithful to you and that all those years have been meaningless?" Absolutely not!! I have been blessed beyond measure- even though it doesn't always seem that way. I have a job where I get to help people through some of the best and worst moments of theirs lives and see God's hand in all of it. I have some of the best friends that anyone could ask for. Both new and old. They have been their through all the laughs, embarrassment, hurt, and yes- even the ugly cry. They have encouraged me, become family to me, and have made these 24 years so much easier. I have a family who loves me, even though I don't get to see all of the very often. And, although I don't have any biological children, I have the privilege to teach at least 20 little munchkins every Sunday about how good our God is in Children's Church and I get to hang out and share the love of Christ with some of the best teenagers around every Sunday and Wednesday. They bring more joy to my life than I can even express. I would say that is far from anything to hang my head about! Sadly, "the one" still hasn't shown his face yet, in which God is showing me that patience is a virtue- not a option. Let me tell you, that one is a tough one. If you know me, you know I am a questioning control-freak who is trying very hard to be patient.... Very, very hard!
But as I approach this 25th year, I am choosing to view at as an extension of my adventure, another year to see what God has planned that was even bigger and better than what I had planned! I am choosing to let 25 not be this dark cloud hanging over my head, but as a milestone in my walk with Christ. So instead of freaking out about what has not happened yet, I will rejoice in what has happened and what is going to come in years to come :)
As Abraham Lincoln once put it: "And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years."
