Philippians 4:6

"Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done"  Philippians 4:6

I am a self proclaimed worrier. i worry about absolutely everything, and what makes it a deathly match is that I struggle with being patient. If I want something done, i want it right then, and if it's not right then, I worry. See? its a vicious circle.

I will find myself worrying about the littlest stuff..... Is my hair ok? Did my make up run? Do I smell ok? does this outfit make me look tubbier than i already am? Did i do well enough on that test? VICIOUS CYCLE!!!! It is an absolute curse. I am constantly worrying about something..... And what does it do for me? absolutely nothing. I often worry that i am not good enough and what i can do to change it, which I know is just my low self-esteem talking. I look at myself and see nothing really of worth or importance. I know deep down that that isnt true, but it is an everyday struggle inside me. I know that it is just Satan trying to get to me, but I go back to the mentality of where is my easy button?

But like i said before, just because I'm a Christian doesnt mean I deserve and easy life or an easy button for it.  God has been merciful in my life and providing so many blessing that I forget to praise him for at times because I am so consumed with worry. God says that we can turn all our worries over to him, and he will give us peace. I am a control freak when it comes to my life. I want to have control of everything that happens. But in reality, it is not completely mine to live. My life belongs to god. He gave me life, and at any moment He can take it from me. My life's goal is to live a life that I can be proud of, and when I get to heaven god will tell me "Well done my good and faithful servant, well done." It is hard to keep your mind focused on that goal when all you do is worry.

So everyday, I'm trying to get stronger and be able to rely on God more for patience and give up my control freak worrying ways. It is not the easiest thing to do, but in time it will come.... until then, I will just keep on focusing on Philippians 4:6 =)

Where's the easy button?!

Don’t you wish that life was like those perfect little fairytales that your parents told you about when you were younger? Or that those movie endings that only happen in chick flicks would actually happen in real life? Ya well, I think by now that most of us have figured out that life isn’t like a fairytale or a perfect chick flick ending….. Life is not perfect, easy, or a fairytale.

But if you think about it, we were never promised a perfect life. I often find the words “I hate my life” coming out of my mouth more than I like to admit. It is almost like second nature to say those 4 little words when something bad happens, or that one question that I’m sure we’ve all asked at one point or another: “Why me?”  These 2 phrases have become part of my everyday language, and for that I am somewhat shameful….. Lately, I have been getting the answer “Why not? Why not you? What makes you so special not to have to go through hard times?” I have never thought of it that way and I took it as God’s way of telling me that I need to chill out.  

 I am soooo fortunate that the God of the entire universe loves me so much that he offered me eternal salvation, but nowhere in the Bible does it say that as soon as you accept Jesus into your heart and accept His salvation that your life will automatically be perfect and an easy button will automatically appear for sticky situations. I, for one, tend to forget that fact. I often think to myself, well I don’t know why my life isn’t easier, why things aren’t just layed out in stone for me, where is my platinum platter with the key to my perfect life? Sometimes it takes your whole world falling apart to realize maybe that was not the life you were intended to lead. Maybe you put yourself, your goals, maybe someone else or something else above God, and He decided that drastic measures were needed to get your attention. And that is what happened to me. It took me a long time to come to that conclusion, and an even longer time to finally admit it. I had put my focus on my spiritual goal, growth, and even God on hold fo my own desires and my own goals.

 I have debated a long time about whether or not to start a blog about such things and it took some advice from a good friend for me to finally do it. I am writing all this stuff down in the hopes that maybe if someone reads it, it might help them out. So this is the beginning of how my life went from the top of the mountains, to the bottom of the ocean floor, and the climb back up.